I often wonder where this blog draws the line between insight and provocation? It seems that recently it has crossed the line and has its feet planted firmly in provocation territory. Now Karma is at work.
Since posting “Bolding going where no push-up has gone before”, push-ups have become even more outlandish, varied and I am beginning to think that there is no end to the variations.
Here are my top 10 (so far):
10. On the knuckles – it is sad to think that I used to crumble after just 1 of these push-ups and opt for the flat hand option (for wimps). Now, I’m proud to say that I always do it ‘a la’ knuckle and sometimes I even seek out a hard surface. Weirdo? Uh huh. Yep. Certifiable.
9. Press and hold – holding the press at the bottom induces shaking and sweating. I’ll never forget when Sensei ordered us to do this exercise to calm our breathing after an exhausting sparring session. His voice echoing around the dojo like Russell Crowe from Gladiator shouting “…hold…hold…” as the sweat dripped from my face making a small puddle in front of my eyes. You know what though? It controlled my breathing.
8. One arm push up – my overriding memory of this is from the film Rocky. The training montage to be exact. You know the scene where he’s running up a mountain, doing sit-ups on a mezzanine (?), jogging through the streets, Bill Conti’s theme music in the background and then the one arm push up. This has since been trumped by a man doing a one-finger push up on the end of a nail on Britain’s Got Talent. Nutter.
7. Press up and clap – no, this is not a Zumba move, but more of a ‘dice with death’ move. At the peak of your upwards rise, lift your hands off the floor and clap together, replacing them in the push-up position before your chin meets parquet floor.
6. Clock face – your hand position mimics that of the clock – we’re talking traditional wind-up clock here, not a Casio digital version as sported by Osama Bin Laden. The most painful time of the day is definitely 25 minutes to 5.
5. Fingers pointing in – triceps, ouch the triceps. OMG, the triceps! Aaaaaaagggggghhhh. If you have no idea where your triceps are, try this press up.
4. Backs of hands –why do we have those appendages called ‘hands’ on the end of our wrists? Try this press up for a quick reminder.
3. With partner – one person on the floor, legs bent. Second person stands with the floor person’s head between their legs. Floor person supports the standing person’s knees. Standing person bends forwards and places their hands on the floor person’s knees. When in position, the floor person presses the legs, whilst the standing person pushes up on the floor person’s knees. Balance is the key.
2. This little piggy – childhood game moves from innocent to corrupt very quickly. The little piggies (staring with the small finger), don’t go to market but instead, lift themselves off the ground in turn with each press. 3 piggies left and you’re squealing for mercy. 2 piggies left and the pain makes you want to vom. You’ve usually given up at this point and want to go home yourself, but heed a warning from that bloke on Britain’s Got Talent (see point 8)…his index finger was swollen to the size of a large pork sausage (probably arthritic) from doing single-finger push ups. Not good.
1. Thumbs only – the Holy Grail of press-ups. Sensei is the only one in our class who can do them. I think Jamie has his sights set on becoming only the second person in our dojo who can do them. Good luck Jamie…I have no intention of matching you on this one.