Back to the Dojo after 8 years

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My eyes hurt! Why are my eyes hurting?!

5 minutes into my first dojo session in 8 years and I look and feel like a sweaty beetroot.

Streams of sweat are running down my face – my sweat now mixed with the hair product applied earlier in the day. I’m reminded of the fact that eyes and hair products don’t mix. It hurts!

Stepping into the dojo after such a long break was a tough but necessary decision.

My weight has gone up since I stopped doing karate and my fitness levels are at an all time low. So I decided that enough is enough….and having recently moved house to an area with a Goju Ryu dojo I was running out of excuses not to go back.

And I’m glad I did.

Not only have I found an incredible dojo lead by the hugely experienced Sensei Max Beddow, my fellow karate-ka have been extraordinarily welcoming over the past few weeks.

I’ve got a feeling they are going to be putting up with my huffing and puffing for a little longer yet – my fitness levels are a disaster.

So expect some more posts from your long forgotten Goju Blogger over the coming weeks, months and years. I’ve returned to wearing a white belt as I didn’t feel worthy of donning my purple belt after such a long hiatus.

And in just a few short weeks, I’ve learned so much about Goju Ryu that I didn’t know or had forgotten.

Onwards and upwards!

Finding my spirit shout

What is a spirit shout? Contrary to popular belief it has nothing to do with vodka and my shouting into the porcelain megaphone – which is legendary, by the way. Rather it is each person’s outward expression of their inner spirit. Each person’s spirit shout is as unique as a finger print. Thankfully, my spirit shout has gone from strangled cat to something more roar-like.

33 reasons to love Goju Ryu karate

Why 33? No particular reason. Just thought it was a nice number. Here’s a list of 33 reasons to love Goju Ryu karate:

1. Fitness – before I started Goju Ryu I was the Jonny Vegas of fitness – preferring a pint of Guinness and a massive bag of crisps to any form of exercise. Scaling the stairs at home was exhausting (not kidding). I must admit, I’m finding it hard to shake the crisps habit, but I am now much, much fitter. I’m even considering doing our local fit-trail. You know, the ones you find in middle-class suburban parks, built with tax-payers money but hardly used? Yes. That’s the one. Pop down to Frimley Lodge Park next Saturday and you might see me attempting to scale an obstacle or two. I’ll be the one who is clad in all-over-body sweat. The running snake you’ll see next to me will be Jamie Van Damme. My favourite fitness training in the dojo is Okinawa style (in a circle), because you can see everyone’s pain.

2. Physical strength – I had my illusion of “I’m pretty strong” smashed in an instant, the day I picked up a chishi and started swinging it around my head.

Top 10 push-ups from hell

I often wonder where this blog draws the line between insight and provocation? It seems that recently it has crossed the line and has its feet planted firmly in provocation territory. Now Karma is at work.

Since posting “Bolding going where no push-up has gone before”, push-ups have become even more outlandish, varied and I am beginning to think that there is no end to the variations.

Here are my top 10 (so far):

An unexpected benefit: part 2

I’ve never been the kind of person who just dips their toe in the water to see how it feels. Nope. I jump right in or I don’t jump in at all. With Goju Ryu karate, it is fair to say that I have taken the bomb-dive approach – you know the one? Found on the same ‘Will patrons refrain from…’ board that graces the tiled walls of public swimming pools across the UK. That always makes me laugh, the picture of a man perfectly executing a bomb-dive (just in case you were unsure) falling somewhere close to the ‘No heavy petting’ instruction (yes, the old boards used to say “heavy”!).

So, how do I know this? I’ve started to teach myself Japanese.

An extraordinarily tenuous link between TGI Friday’s and Goju-Ryu

Having a part-time job at TGI Friday’s taught me to flare better than Tom Cruise (cool for party tricks), carry three glasses in one hand (cool for ordering 6 pints at the bar – no tray required), and my top trump – it introduced me to my wife. On the flip side Friday’s has also given me an unhealthy obsession for hot chicken wings and cheese nachos (wipes saliva from chin), but I am discovering new karate-related connections of late.

An oh so middle-class phobia

After a gruelling pre-bank holiday class, I am still reeling from the shock of ‘light’ sparring for 5 minutes. I mean come on, 5 little minutes! Yes, another stunningly weak performance of stamina and strength from Mr Lame-ass (aka me). When it comes to sparring I am about as effective as a chocolate fire-guard. I think I am suffering from that oh so middle-class phobia – the fear of getting punched.

Who knew breathing was so difficult!?!

Yet again my knowledge of karate has proven to be woefully lacking in substance – it’s like biting into a Creme Egg only to find an empty centre. That empty centre is my head.

You’ve probably done it too…you know, when you see someone do something that looks so blooming easy, you wonder what all the fuss is about? Yeah, I could do that. Easy. It’s a cinch.

Then you try it.
Doh!

Fight, fly or freeze?

Contrary to popular belief, I did not start karate to understand what it was like to get smacked in the face. Nope. No sir-eeee. You may have guessed already from the title of this blog that I now understand the basics of reptilian reflex better than Professor Brian Cox understands the universe. That statement is pure fact blended with a good serving of exaggeration.

This blog starts with a massive caveat – Goju Ryu karate is not full-contact in the dojo – it never is otherwise we’d all be constantly in hospital. But you do get hit from time to time and every now and again, fist meets flesh and feet meet testicles (hilarious for onlookers, disastrous for the recipient).

I have found my fighting forte

Imagine the surprised look on my wife’s face when I came home from karate, proudly announcing that I had fought with everyone in the dojo (barring Sensei, of course) and won every single bout!

Yes folks, I have found my forte. Sumo. (stop laughing…I can hear you sniggering)